There is an interesting contradiction when it comes to divorce, especially if you are the one thinking of filing the divorce. On the one hand, you may want out, and you know that you are making this decision for the best. You look forward to a day when you can start over, and build a new life, with your children.
But on the other hand, nobody wants to actually file for divorce. The cost, heartache, arguing, and stress, all can keep people who know that divorce is the right option, from actually filing for divorce.
How Collaborative Divorce Helps
Enter collaborative divorce, a way to protect your family, preserve assets, and help you fast forward to that new beginning you were thinking about.
Collaborative divorce is a legal, actual divorce like any other. What is different, however, is that while the parties may personally harbor difficult feelings or even hostility toward each other, those feelings don’t draw out the divorce or make it “messy” or contentious.
That’s because as the name implies, collaborative divorce is about collaborating—both parties working together, to iron out the differences in the divorce case, outside of court. If and when all the issues are resolved, then the case is brought before a judge, to finalize the divorce.
Getting an Attorney
Like any other divorce, you will have and retain your own attorney, as will your spouse. But while your attorneys are there to represent you and fight for your rights in the divorce, they are also there to work with the other spouse and try to get them to the bargaining table to work on the issues in the divorce.
How do you know that the attorneys will not just throw the whole collaborative thing out, and revert to cutthroat, contentious divorce tactics? It is because only attorneys trained in collaborative divorce can handle these kinds of cases, and the attorneys are not only trained to advocate for the clients, but also, to ascertain the motives, needs, and desires of both sides, to fashion a workable solution to the problems in the divorce.
Creative Solutions
One major way that collaborative divorce can protect your assets is that, like bargaining for anything, you can engage in a give-and-take and work out creative solutions to the issues in the divorce.
The problem with going to court is that a family law judge’s hands are tied. He or she can only award to either spouse what the laws say that the judge can award. The judge cannot “think outside the box,” or come up with ideas that may work for the parties. But in a collaborative divorce, so long as both sides agree, you can work out whatever solution you want.
Let’s imagine that you have a business, and your (soon to be ex) wife owns stock in your business. You no longer want her to own those stocks, but you don’t have the money to buy them back. You could negotiate to pay more alimony, or to give her an extra asset, or to make payments to her over time, in return for the stock.
Let’s say that the kids really enjoy their music lessons, and you want to ensure they keep taking them. Your ex doesn’t agree. You could agree to give your ex something—more time with the kids every now and then, or a slight reduction in support—in return for your spouse’s agreement to pay for the music lessons.
These are just simple examples of how you and your spouse can devise creative solutions to real-world problems in a collaborative divorce.
These would be hard problems to work out in a normal, contested, divorce case, because the judge doesn’t have the legal ability to work these kinds of solutions out—not to mention, in the course of a hotly contested divorce cases, neither party is often in the frame of mind to hammer out creative solutions that work for both parties.
Using Experts to Make Good Decisions
Wouldn’t it be great if you had financial professionals and mental health counselors and investment professionals, all there to advise you as to the decisions you are making in your divorce? In collaborative divorce, you can have that. And because your expert is not fighting with the other side’s expert, as they would be doing in a contested divorce case, there is less expense, and more certainly, as the experts are working for both of you, advising you as to the consequences of the decisions you are making in your divorce.
A Lasting Peace
Another benefit, which can have an even longer lasting effect, is the fact that because of the nature of a collaborative divorce, when it is over and the issues are agreed upon and the divorce entered, the parties have not spent months (or more) at each other’s throats.
That means that there is no long-lasting contentiousness, hostility, or anger that there often is at the conclusion of a full-blown contested divorce that ends in a divorce trial.
This can have an enormous benefit on you, mentally, but also in your and your spouse’s ability to co-parent the children, post-divorce.
Your Time Frame
Although you can work at your own pace in a collaborative divorce, the good thing is that you can take matters as fast or as slow as you want. Is there a difficult issue that it may take time to resolve? No problem—the parties can spend as much time as they need, working with the other side, to work that issue out.
Want to get it done as quickly as you can? You can do that as well—because you are not arguing and not in court, there is no waiting on a judge’s calendar to open up so your lawyer can get a hearing in court.
All of this ensures that the assets and property in your divorce case, are divided fairly, that your voice and position are being heard, and that the kids’ needs will be met, post-divorce.
Certainly, there are times and situations where things cannot resolve amicably. But if there is even a glimmer of a chance of collaboration and teamwork between you and your spouse, collaborative divorce may be the way to get that divorce finalized in a way that works for both of you—and which protects your children, and your assets.
Anthony J. Diaz is an experienced family law attorney focusing on Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. His offices are located at 2431 Aloma Ave Suite #124,
Winter Park, FL 32792 and 3720 Suntree Blvd., Suite 103G, Melbourne, FL. 32940.
You may contact Anthony Diaz by calling 407-212-7807 or by email An*****@************aw.com or visit www.AnthonyDiazLaw.com
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Anthony Diaz is a Family Law and Collaborative Divorce attorney, mediator, speaker and coach in Orlando. Known as The Peacemaker, his practice specializes in divorce with dignity, mediation, collaboration, uncontested and out-of-court options to help families find peaceful solutions.
With over 20 years of experience, Anthony is passionate about helping his clients resolve conflict, reduce stress and move peacefully through the divorce process without going to court. He has helped thousands of families experience a more positive outcome.
As a Florida Supreme Court Certified Family and Circuit Civil Mediator, a State Qualified Arbitrator, and an esteemed member of the Leadership Academy of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals, Anthony’s expertise in mediation and conflict resolution makes him uniquely qualified to help couples navigate the emotional and financial challenges of divorce.
He is an active and highly respected professional in the Florida collaborative community. Anthony serves as Co-Chair of the Florida Academy of Collaborative Professionals Outreach Committee and is a Board Member of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals.
Prior to opening his private practice, Anthony was a CPA and an Assistant State Attorney for the Ninth Judicial Circuit of Florida. He earned his degree at Stetson University College of Law.
Anthony is also a published author, co-authoring Faces Behind the Pages and Creating Relationships and Family with Courage and Compassion. His solo works include:
• Divorce With Dignity – 3 Powerful Steps to Heal and Move Past Your Divorce N.O.W.
• !n-joy Your Relationships! – 7 Pillars to Deepening Your Connections With Passion and Purpose
• Moving Consciously Through Conflict – 5 Meaningful Steps to Mediating Conflict With Compassion
As a coach and an international speaker, his passion, mission and purpose is to help families move on from their divorce with dignity and embrace a more peaceful future.