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Divorce and Children

The Impact of Divorce on Children: Nurturing Emotional Well-Being

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If you are getting divorced and there are children in the marriage, you probably already know that the divorce will have an impact on the children’s lives and well-being. That is not to say they will forever struggle; plenty of children can and do thrive after divorce. But the fact remains that when there are children involved, both divorcing parents need to give some thought to how any divorce will affect the children’s lives.

Every Case is Different

It would be nice to just say how exactly divorce will affect all children. But that is impossible because of the variables involved in divorcing with children. Factors that may play into how children adapt to and cope with divorcing children can include:

Impact of Divorce on Children
  • The age and maturity of the children
  • The extent to which the parents are hostile or fighting with each other, either before the divorce or during the actual divorce process
  • The children’s own mental health or pre-existing mental conditions
  • How the children were doing in their lives, even before the divorce
  • The extent of upheaval in the children’s lives, post-divorce

Communication is Key

You do not want the divorce to come as a surprise out of the blue. Certainly, many older kids can look at or observe their parents and just tell that divorce is imminent. Younger kids may not have this capability. Either way, discussion is key.

One of the best things a parent can do is discuss with children about divorce, what you and your spouse will be going through, and how it will affect the kids. Unfortunately, many older kids know about divorce from movies and TV—not the best model of what kids can expect in the real world.

Putting Children in the Middle

Hopefully, you already know that you should never pit children against parents or have them make choices. Even seemingly “neutral” choices, like, “Would you rather go to school near mom or near dad,” or “Mommy will stay near your friends, but dad may be farther away,” or “Who would you rather take you to school in the mornings” can have the effect of making a child have to choose between one parent or the other. That can cause anxiety and stress.

How to Approach Divorce

What to say to the children when divorce is looming largely depends on their ages and maturity.

A younger child may need to be told that mommy and daddy still love them—this may be a concern for a younger child. An older child may be aware of this but may have more practical concerns, like whether he will still be able to stay in his school, whether he will be caught between mom and dad fighting, or whether he will still be able to play sports.

Signs of Distress

Once the divorce is underway, the challenge becomes recognizing signs of maladaptation, stress, and trauma. That is not always easy to spot—especially in pre-teens and teenagers, who may not be so open about their feelings.

Look for changes (mostly negative ones) in the child’s life. For example, if grades tend to fall, or if there is less time spent with friends or on extracurricular activities that kids used to enjoy. Any signs of being uncooperative or withdrawing from activities or social engagements are signs that the child may be having a difficult time coping.

Younger children may have more confusing signs, such as appearing to be ill, crying more, or being hostile or belligerent. The child may be more emotionally fragile—he or she may cry more often or get angry quicker or frustrated more easily. The child may say that these changes are for a non-divorce related reason, but in reality, the stress, fear, and anxiety over the divorce are the real cause of these otherwise unexplained behavioral changes.

Hearing or knowing that parents are fighting in the divorce over children’s issues, like time-sharing, custody, or support, can lead to feelings of guilt. Children may feel like they are the cause of the divorce. Parents should make sure that children know that they haven’t done anything wrong to cause the divorce.

Long Term Challenges

Then there are the long-term challenges that children of divorce face, many of which won’t be obvious right away but which divorced parents need to be aware of as they raise their children post-divorce.

Research has shown that divorced children are more likely to engage in destructive and even criminal behaviors. They also may lose the ability to have healthy interpersonal relationships. They may be more susceptible to illnesses, and some say stress, trauma, and lack of sleep due to anxiety may be contributing factors to the increased rate of illness.

Mitigating the Negative Impacts

While there is no one-size-fits-all cure to avoid the negative impact of divorce on kids, there are things that parents can do to make life easier for their children. The obvious two are to avoid fighting (and the kids’ exposure to parental fighting or disparagement of the other parent), and to communicate with kids to answer their questions and concerns.

Beyond that, many suggest that parents maintain the routines in the children’s lives and keep the kids’ pre-divorce life intact as much as possible. Once a post-divorce schedule is established, try to maintain the routine—while a haphazard, “play it by ear” time-sharing schedule may seem easier for some parents, it is not good for kids, who do better knowing where they will be and when.

You, too, can set an example by protecting kids from your emotions—where possible, they should not see you cry, lash out in anger, or have other displays of drastic emotion.

Professional mental health counselors can be of assistance as well, and parents should seek out help when necessary. Parents should also tell teachers, schools, coaches, or others about the divorce so that they are more tolerant and understanding of the emotional changes that the child is experiencing.

Anthony J. Diaz is an experienced family law attorney focusing on Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. His offices are located at 2431 Aloma Ave Suite #124,
Winter Park, FL 32792 and 3720 Suntree Blvd., Suite 103G, Melbourne, FL. 32940.

You may contact Anthony Diaz by calling 407-212-7807 or by email An*****@************aw.com or visit www.AnthonyDiazLaw.com.

And if you found this article helpful, please leave us a review HERE.

Divorce: How To Be in Control of Your Future

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One of the most pressing concerns for anyone going through a divorce is whether they can control their future or if it is left in the hands of someone else—like a judge. The answer largely depends on the approach you take during the divorce process. Understanding the different options for how you divorce can help you to make decisions about your future.

Litigation: The Court Decides

Be in control

When most people think about divorce, they immediately envision a courtroom, where a judge presides over the case and ultimately makes all the decisions for you and your spouse. This divorce process is known as litigation. While litigation is a common divorce method, it is also the one where you have the least control over the outcome.

In litigation, you and your spouse present your cases, and a judge makes the final decisions on issues like property division, child custody and spousal support. Although you may have opportunities to settle the case before it reaches the judge, once it does, you relinquish control. The judge, who does not know the intricacies of your life, will decide the outcome based on the law and the evidence presented. This can lead to decisions that neither party is entirely happy with, leaving your future in the hands of the court.

Mediation: A Middle Ground

Mediation offers a more collaborative approach compared to litigation. In mediation, you and your spouse work with a neutral third party—the mediator—to reach an agreement on various aspects of your divorce. The key advantage of mediation is that it allows you both to have a say in the final outcome.

However, mediation does not come with a binding agreement to stay out of court. If you and your spouse cannot reach an agreement during mediation, the next step could be litigation, putting your future back in the hands of a judge. While the mediation route offers more control than litigation, it still carries the risk of an unresolved dispute that could end up in court.

Collaborative Divorce: Maximum Control

If you are looking to maintain the most control over your future, a Collaborative Divorce is the best process. In choosing a Collaborative Divorce, you both agree at the outset to settle the divorce outside of court. This agreement is the cornerstone of the process, motivating you both to negotiate and find mutually acceptable solutions.

In the Collaborative Divorce process, you each set your goals, and the negotiations are geared towards trying to meet those goals. Because the process is designed to keep the case out of court, you are more likely to work together constructively. The final decisions are made by you and your spouse, not by a judge, giving you the highest degree of control over your future.

Choosing the Right Path

Ultimately, the control you have over your future in a divorce depends on the process you choose. Litigation offers the least control, where decisions are made by a judge. Mediation allows for more control, but there is still a possibility that unresolved issues could end up in court. Opting for a Collaborative Divorce, on the other hand, gives you the most control, as it is driven by mutual agreement and a commitment to stay out of court.

Understanding these options can empower you to choose the best path for your situation, helping you retain as much control as possible over your future during a divorce.

We invite you to contact the Law Firm of Anthony J. Diaz for further information on your family law needs.

Anthony J. Diaz is an experienced family law attorney focusing on Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. His offices are located at 2431 Aloma Ave Suite #124,
Winter Park, FL 32792 and 3720 Suntree Blvd., Suite 103G, Melbourne, FL. 32940.

You may contact Anthony Diaz by calling 407-212-7807 or by email An*****@************aw.com or visit www.AnthonyDiazLaw.com.

And if you found this article helpful, please leave us a review HERE.

Social Media and Divorce: A Tricky Proposition

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When you add divorce to your social media, your divorce can quickly become even more complicated. Many social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, or X are an important part of our lives sharing life updates, family milestones and daily events. However, an active social media presence during your divorce can lead to unnecessary conflict in an already emotionally charged process.

Social Media Posts Can Add to the Tension

Social Media and Divorce

When emotions are running high, you may be tempted to vent about your experiences online, particularly if you feel wronged or betrayed. These posts, often made in the heat of the moment, can lead to new problems. Sharing details of your divorce publicly can fuel anger and hurt feelings, making an already difficult divorce even more contentious. These posts may invite unwanted commentary from friends or acquaintances, further aggravating the situation.

Social Media Can Create Problems in Court

What you post on social media can have real legal consequences. Anything you post can be used in court. For example, if there are pictures of you partying and drinking online or on a date, these posts can reflect on your ability to make good decisions. Courts also frown upon parents who involve their children in the divorce process, and this extends to posting about them on social media. If you share grievances about a custody dispute, it can reflect poorly on your judgment in the eyes of a judge.

How to Avoid Social Media Pitfalls

What should you do to avoid these pitfalls? The advice is simple but very important: you need to refrain from using social media. It is best if you can give up posting on social media until after the divorce is over. If you can’t give up social media posting, you should at least avoid posting anything about the divorce, whether good news or bad.   Keep details about your children, your spouse, or the divorce process off social platforms entirely. Instead, confide in close friends or family directly, without broadcasting your personal matters online. If you’re focused on maintaining peace, especially in Mediation or Collaborative Divorce Settings, it is key to keep your divorce out of social media.

While social media is a powerful tool for connection, it can easily become a minefield during your divorce. To preserve emotional stability and ensure that the legal process goes smoothly, you should keep your personal matters offline and focus on a private and peaceful resolution.

Anthony J. Diaz is an experienced family law attorney focusing on Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. His offices are located at 2431 Aloma Ave Suite #124,
Winter Park, FL 32792 and 3720 Suntree Blvd., Suite 103G, Melbourne, FL. 32940.

You may contact Anthony Diaz by calling 407-212-7807 or by email an*****@************aw.com or visit anthonydiazlaw.com for more information.

And if you found this article helpful, please leave us a review HERE.

Modifying Child Support and Custody Orders: What You Need to Know

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There is an inherent contradiction when making decisions about time sharing and child support.

On the one hand, there needs to be stability—settlements and judgments need to be relied upon, and the parties (the parents) need to know what their rights, duties, and obligations will be going forward.

Child Support

Stability also helps the child; a child who gets used to one schedule should not have to suddenly adapt to a new one or move just because parents change their minds.

This means that judgments or settlements for child support and custody need to be final and determined and should be difficult to ever modify.

But on the other hand, life is uncertain. When you make decisions on time sharing and support when the children are little, you never know what curve balls life will throw at you later on. That means that decisions about time sharing cannot be absolutely permanent, as they need to account for changed circumstances in the parent’s life.

Agreeing to Modifications

Before getting into the details of how time sharing or support are modified, remember that parents can always agree to a modification. If they do both agree, the agreement should be put in writing and then given to an attorney to file with the court so that there is a record of the new agreement or altered terms.

Unforeseen Changes

The law has stuck somewhat of a balance when it comes to modifying time sharing and support.

The first requirement when modifying time sharing of a child, or child support, is showing that there has been a change of circumstances that was unforeseen at the time of the entry of the original settlement agreement or divorce case.

So, for example, imagine that dad works on commission and sometimes makes more and sometimes makes less money at work. The fact that dad has two or three “down years” financially would not justify modifying child support. It was known all along that dad’s income varied, and the parties knew that income could go up or down erratically.

Note that in 2023, the requirement that a changed circumstance be unforeseen or unanticipated was removed from the text of the law. However, in reality, many family law judges will still look at the circumstances and deny parents seeking modification if the modification is based on factors that were known to the parents at the time the original judgment or settlement was entered into.

Substantial and Permanent

Any change in circumstance must also be substantial. This means two things: that the change is not a temporary change, but rather, is permanent, and that the change is actually material—that is, enough of a change to warrant a modification.

For example, if mom needs dad to watch the kids a bit more for two months so she can get job training, that may not be a permanent change—it is expected to conclude in two months, at which time the parties can resume their normal schedule.

There is no hard line time limit for how long changed circumstances need to exist to be considered truly permanent. That is evaluated on a case-by-case basis.

Many parents who fall on hard financial times seek to modify their child support, but unless it is proven that the decreased earnings are permanent, they will not justify a downward modification of support. This can avoid a situation where a parent temporarily under-employs him or herself, to make it look like he or she is earning less money in order to try to pay less child support.

Best Interest of the Child

Any modification must also be in the best interest of the child. The court will look at the same factors that were used to make the initial determination of time sharing.

Stability for the child is of paramount concern for the court, and it will not enter a modification if the court feels that the modification will upset the child’s life or take the child away from his or her friends, hobbies, school, or other elements of the child’s life.

There are times when a court can enter a modification in the absence of any of these factors, but that is usually when there is violence or some event that immediately threatens the child’s physical or emotional well-being.

Noncompliance with an Existing Judgment or Agreement

It is unfortunately common that a parent does not exercise the visitation or time-sharing that he or she is supposed to have. This can lead to the other (complaint) parent wanting to modify time sharing.

But the failure to abide by a time-sharing agreement or judgment, by itself, will not justify a modification. The party that is in compliance would have to bring a motion for contempt or another motion to compel compliance with the agreement or judgment against the other parent.

Relocation as Justification

If a parent was located more than 50 miles away when the original judgment or settlement was entered into, and that parent now moves closer to the child (within 50 miles), that will automatically warrant a changed circumstance, allowing a court to modify a time sharing arrangement, even in the absence of any other evidence.

Likewise, although not specifically written into the statute, most courts will also assume that a parent moving away further than 50 miles from the other parent would constitute a substantial, permanent, and material change in circumstances.

You Need a Court Order

Remember that to change a parenting plan or to change custody obligations, you need a court order. That means that you can’t just stop paying, deny visitation, or alter visitation schedules on your own.

If you feel there is an emergency, you can file an emergency motion to modify. However, outside of that, even if you were to win your petition to modify child support, the court would still force you to pay 100% of what your previous child support obligation was before the modification was entered.

That means that parties seeing a modification should comply with whatever orders or agreements are in place while waiting for the resolution of their modification case.

Need to change the terms of your visitation, custody time sharing, child support agreement, or judgment? Is the other parent threatening to alter your time-sharing or child support agreements or judgments?

Anthony J. Diaz is an experienced family law attorney focusing on Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. His offices are located at 2431 Aloma Ave Suite #124,
Winter Park, FL 32792 and 3720 Suntree Blvd., Suite 103G, Melbourne, FL. 32940.

You may contact Anthony Diaz by calling 407-212-7807 or by email an*****@************aw.com or visit anthonydiazlaw.com for more information.

If you find this article helpful, please leave us a review HERE.

Beyond the Breakup: How to Heal and Thrive After Divorce

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Many of us, when facing divorce, give a lot of thought to what will happen in the divorce, and understandably so. But we rarely give thought to what will happen once the divorce is over and finalized—in other words, how we will mentally and emotionally move on with our lives and into our post-divorce life.

Life After Divorce

Although it may not seem like it when you are in the midst of a divorce, there is a life, and a thriving, successful one, after your divorce. And yes, having some remorse, sadness, regret, or even a feeling of failure, is totally normal—and none of that should ever stop you from building a new, and even better life after your divorce.

It Starts During the Divorce

Divorce

Your post-divorce life, and helping you heal, actually starts before your divorce is even finalized.

When you are getting divorced, it can help to give thought to what your life will be, and what your needs will be, after your divorce is over. Will you need job training? Help to get a degree? Where will you live? How often will you have the kids?

Resolving your divorce so that you get the things that you will need in your life, post-divorce, can go a long way to helping you heal and recover after a divorce. These are things to think about in your divorce mediation.

Be Yourself and Do What Feels Right

One thing that you can do after a divorce to thrive is to understand your own needs—and to understand that no two people need the same things to recover after a divorce.

Some people may want diverse social circles, surrounded by friends. They may want to get back into the dating scene as quickly as possible to rediscover the romantic feelings that they once had. Staying home may be difficult, whereas the distraction of social circles may heal them.

Others may find the opposite; they may not want to connect with anybody, and may feel more comfortable on their own, or at least, simply being surrounded by close friends or family.

There is no right or wrong in any aspect of your life post-divorce. Think of what you need and what makes you feel better, without worrying about whether or not what you do need or want is “normal” or not.

Try Not to Look Back and Compare

It may be helpful to avoid making comparisons to your pre and post-divorce life.

Many people find it hard to move on after a divorce because they are constantly thinking of what they had when they were married—the friendships, the house, the bank accounts, the stability—whatever it is that you feel you have lost, it can be easy to dwell on these things post-divorce.

But if possible, and with the support of friends, try to focus on the new beginnings that divorce brings. Remember the things that caused you to get divorced in the first place—things that, perhaps, you needed in your life that you were not getting that you can now go out and make happen for yourself.

You now can take up that hobby, or manage your own finances, or take that vacation, and essentially pilot your life the way you want to, in the direction that you want to go. This thinking can be empowering and help you see the future as full of positive possibilities.

Take Care of Yourself

Similarly, make sure to take care of yourself. You can be a little selfish. From little things like getting a new wardrobe or a new haircut or taking up a new hobby, to more significant things, like just spending time with yourself or your kids, or career changes, do the things that make you happy, without concern about what is frivolous or what you may think is foolish.

Try to Avoid Post-Divorce Conflict

Yes, the extent that you fight or have conflict with your ex, is not always completely in your hands. But to the extent possible, try to minimize negative interactions, conflict or fighting with your ex.

Your attorney may be able to help you with these things. For example, your attorney may be able to handle certain communications with your ex that you find stressful and hostile. Your attorney may be able to get a court order requiring that communication with your ex only be at certain times or through specified apps (there are many that filter and censor hostile, lewd, or offensive communications).

Think about the things that you fight over with your ex. Some things you must fight over; you simply cannot just give in, or walk away. But there may be other things that are not worth the fight, and the stress that comes with it. Learn to realize what things are worth the fight, and what things are better ignored for the sake of your mental health.

To Forgive or Not? It is Up to You

And whether you fight with your ex post divorce or not—you can, but do not have to, forgive.

You are entitled to feel how you feel. Of course, anger or hostility should not stand in the way of your life, your career, or your relationship with friends, family or your kids. But keeping or releasing anger is a personal choice, and so long as it is not affecting your daily life and relationships, do not worry so much about what is “right” or “wrong” when it comes to forgiveness.

Getting Help

Remember that it is always OK to seek out professional help. Many mental health counselors and similar professionals have extensive experience helping people recover after a divorce.

With the number of divorces that happen all the time, you are not the first person to have these feelings. We are in an age where we know a lot about what post-divorce recovery requires. Do not be afraid to seek out that information with the help of a qualified therapist or professional.

Your post-divorce life starts with handling your divorce the right way. Contact Anthony Diaz for help and with your divorce, to help you transition to “the new you.”

Anthony J. Diaz is an experienced family law attorney focusing on Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. His offices are located at 2431 Aloma Ave Suite #124, Winter Park, FL. 32792 and 3720 Suntree Blvd., Suite 103G, Melbourne, FL. 32940.

You may contact Anthony Diaz by calling 407-212-7807 or by email an*****@************aw.com or visit anthonydiazlaw.com for more information.

If you find this article helpful, please leave us a review HERE.

What Are The Differences in Out-of-Court Divorce Options?

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When facing a divorce, many people are unaware of the out-of-court options available to them. The options for settling your divorce out-of-court are an uncontested divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce. It is important to know that these divorce alternatives will save you time, money, and emotional stress. Let’s explore the key differences and why these options are better than going to court.

Uncontested Divorce

An uncontested divorce is the simplest and least involved out-of-court option. It occurs when you and your spouse agree on most, if not all, of the issues that need to be settled in your marital settlement agreement or parenting plan. This option is particularly beneficial because:

  1. Cost-Effective: Since you have already reached an agreement, there is no need for extensive legal proceedings, which significantly reduces legal fees.
  2. Quick Resolution: The process is faster because there is no need for court hearings or lengthy negotiations.
  3. Control: You retain control over your agreements rather than leaving decisions up to a judge.

In an uncontested divorce, our firm can help by drafting and filing the necessary documents to ensure all agreements are properly documented and legally binding.

Mediation

Out of Court Divorce

Mediation is a good option for you and your spouse to get help resolving some issues.  A neutral and independent mediator facilitates discussions between you and your spouse to help you reach an agreement. The benefits of mediation include:

  1. Neutral Assistance: The mediator does not represent either party but helps you to communicate effectively and work towards mutually agreeable solutions.
  2. Flexible and Private: Mediation sessions are scheduled at the convenience of you and your spouse are in a private confidential setting, unlike court proceedings which are public.
  3. Reduced Conflict: Mediation encourages cooperation and communication, which is less adversarial than court battles.

After a successful mediation, the mediator can draft the necessary documents for you to file, keeping the process out of court while ensuring legal accuracy. Our firm is available to help you work through the mediation process.

The Collaborative Divorce Process

The Collaborative Divorce process is more involved than uncontested divorce and mediation but preferable to going to court. It is ideal for couples with significant issues to resolve and who might struggle to work together without professional help. A Collaborative Divorce involves:

  1. Collaboratively Trained Attorneys: You and your spouse each have your own attorney trained in collaborative law to guide you through the process.
  2. Neutral Professionals: Other professionals, such as a financial neutral (like a CPA) and a neutral facilitator, are involved. The financial neutral helps with financial issues, while the facilitator manages the process and assists with creating parenting plans.
  3. Team Approach: Collaborative Divorce brings a team of professionals to address all aspects of the divorce, providing comprehensive support and expertise.

The Collaborative Divorce process is beneficial because it maintains your ability to make your own decisions, reduces conflict, and is less costly and time-consuming than court proceedings. Our firm can guide you through the collaborative process.

Why Out-of-Court Options Are Better

Opting for an out-of-court divorce process offers several advantages over going to court:

  1. Control: You retain control over your agreements and parenting plans, rather than having a judge make decisions for you.
  2. Cost-Effective: Out-of-court options generally involve fewer legal fees and expenses compared to court trials.
  3. Timely: These processes can be completed more quickly than waiting for court dates and going through lengthy hearings.
  4. Privacy: Out-of-court processes are private, whereas court proceedings are public.
  5. Reduced Stress: Avoiding court can reduce the emotional stress and adversarial nature of divorce, fostering a more amicable resolution.

While court is always an option, it should be considered a last resort rather than the first choice. Most couples can benefit from exploring out-of-court options like uncontested divorce, mediation, and the collaborative process. These alternatives provide a more controlled, cost-effective, and less stressful way to navigate the complexities of divorce. We invite you to contact our firm for an appointment so that we may discuss the out-of-court options that are best for you.

Anthony J. Diaz is an experienced family law attorney focusing on Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. His offices are located at 2431 Aloma Ave Suite #124, Winter Park, FL. 32792 and 3720 Suntree Blvd., Suite 103G, Melbourne, FL. 32940.

You may contact Anthony Diaz by calling 407-212-7807 or by email an*****@************aw.com or visit anthonydiazlaw.com for more information.