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After Divorce

Beyond the Breakup: How to Heal and Thrive After Divorce

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Many of us, when facing divorce, give a lot of thought to what will happen in the divorce, and understandably so. But we rarely give thought to what will happen once the divorce is over and finalized—in other words, how we will mentally and emotionally move on with our lives and into our post-divorce life.

Life After Divorce

Although it may not seem like it when you are in the midst of a divorce, there is a life, and a thriving, successful one, after your divorce. And yes, having some remorse, sadness, regret, or even a feeling of failure, is totally normal—and none of that should ever stop you from building a new, and even better life after your divorce.

It Starts During the Divorce

Divorce

Your post-divorce life, and helping you heal, actually starts before your divorce is even finalized.

When you are getting divorced, it can help to give thought to what your life will be, and what your needs will be, after your divorce is over. Will you need job training? Help to get a degree? Where will you live? How often will you have the kids?

Resolving your divorce so that you get the things that you will need in your life, post-divorce, can go a long way to helping you heal and recover after a divorce. These are things to think about in your divorce mediation.

Be Yourself and Do What Feels Right

One thing that you can do after a divorce to thrive is to understand your own needs—and to understand that no two people need the same things to recover after a divorce.

Some people may want diverse social circles, surrounded by friends. They may want to get back into the dating scene as quickly as possible to rediscover the romantic feelings that they once had. Staying home may be difficult, whereas the distraction of social circles may heal them.

Others may find the opposite; they may not want to connect with anybody, and may feel more comfortable on their own, or at least, simply being surrounded by close friends or family.

There is no right or wrong in any aspect of your life post-divorce. Think of what you need and what makes you feel better, without worrying about whether or not what you do need or want is “normal” or not.

Try Not to Look Back and Compare

It may be helpful to avoid making comparisons to your pre and post-divorce life.

Many people find it hard to move on after a divorce because they are constantly thinking of what they had when they were married—the friendships, the house, the bank accounts, the stability—whatever it is that you feel you have lost, it can be easy to dwell on these things post-divorce.

But if possible, and with the support of friends, try to focus on the new beginnings that divorce brings. Remember the things that caused you to get divorced in the first place—things that, perhaps, you needed in your life that you were not getting that you can now go out and make happen for yourself.

You now can take up that hobby, or manage your own finances, or take that vacation, and essentially pilot your life the way you want to, in the direction that you want to go. This thinking can be empowering and help you see the future as full of positive possibilities.

Take Care of Yourself

Similarly, make sure to take care of yourself. You can be a little selfish. From little things like getting a new wardrobe or a new haircut or taking up a new hobby, to more significant things, like just spending time with yourself or your kids, or career changes, do the things that make you happy, without concern about what is frivolous or what you may think is foolish.

Try to Avoid Post-Divorce Conflict

Yes, the extent that you fight or have conflict with your ex, is not always completely in your hands. But to the extent possible, try to minimize negative interactions, conflict or fighting with your ex.

Your attorney may be able to help you with these things. For example, your attorney may be able to handle certain communications with your ex that you find stressful and hostile. Your attorney may be able to get a court order requiring that communication with your ex only be at certain times or through specified apps (there are many that filter and censor hostile, lewd, or offensive communications).

Think about the things that you fight over with your ex. Some things you must fight over; you simply cannot just give in, or walk away. But there may be other things that are not worth the fight, and the stress that comes with it. Learn to realize what things are worth the fight, and what things are better ignored for the sake of your mental health.

To Forgive or Not? It is Up to You

And whether you fight with your ex post divorce or not—you can, but do not have to, forgive.

You are entitled to feel how you feel. Of course, anger or hostility should not stand in the way of your life, your career, or your relationship with friends, family or your kids. But keeping or releasing anger is a personal choice, and so long as it is not affecting your daily life and relationships, do not worry so much about what is “right” or “wrong” when it comes to forgiveness.

Getting Help

Remember that it is always OK to seek out professional help. Many mental health counselors and similar professionals have extensive experience helping people recover after a divorce.

With the number of divorces that happen all the time, you are not the first person to have these feelings. We are in an age where we know a lot about what post-divorce recovery requires. Do not be afraid to seek out that information with the help of a qualified therapist or professional.

Your post-divorce life starts with handling your divorce the right way. Contact Anthony Diaz for help and with your divorce, to help you transition to “the new you.”

Anthony J. Diaz is an experienced family law attorney focusing on Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. His offices are located at 2431 Aloma Ave Suite #124, Winter Park, FL. 32792 and 3720 Suntree Blvd., Suite 103G, Melbourne, FL. 32940.

You may contact Anthony Diaz by calling 407-212-7807 or by email an*****@************aw.com or visit anthonydiazlaw.com for more information.

If you find this article helpful, please leave us a review HERE.

Positive Co-Parenting During and After the Divorce

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Divorce is a stressful time that can be intensified when children are involved. Yet, in the chaos and emotional trials, there is an opportunity for you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse to embrace positive co-parenting practices that prioritize the well-being of your children. While it is natural for divorcing couples to harbor resentment and disagreements, fostering a collaborative approach to parenting can mitigate the negative impacts on children and even lay the groundwork for healthier relationships post-divorce.

One of the fundamental challenges of co-parenting post-divorce can be different parenting styles between households. What is important is for you and your co-parent to set aside personal differences and establish a common ground for how you will co-parent your children as they grow up.

Positive Co-Parenting

The process of divorce itself can play a pivotal role in shaping the dynamics of your co-parenting relationship. Litigated divorces, marked by conflict and adversarial proceedings, exacerbate tensions between parents, making cooperation challenging. In contrast, choosing Collaborative Divorce provides a platform for constructive dialogue and mutual decision-making. Collaborative Divorce empowers you to craft personalized parenting plans that reflect your children’s best interests and creates a sense of ownership and cooperation.

Central to successful co-parenting is effective communication that is focused solely on your children’s needs. By re-framing discussions away from personal grievances and towards the well-being of your children, you can work through challenges with empathy and understanding. Non-adversarial environments fostered by either Mediation or Collaborative Divorce offer you  the opportunity to model conflict resolution and demonstrate a united front in parenting, despite the dissolution of your romantic relationship.

An apt analogy for co-parenting post-divorce is likening it to a business partnership, with the business of raising your children. A well-crafted parenting plan provides a framework for collaboration and sets clear expectations for everyone.

Ultimately, positive co-parenting during and after divorce will lay the foundation for your children’s emotional resilience and future relationships. By witnessing their parents working together with grace and cooperation, your children will learn valuable conflict resolution skills and the importance of prioritizing familial bonds. Investing in collaborative co-parenting not only benefits your children in the immediate aftermath of divorce but equips them with essential life skills for the future.

Anthony J. Diaz is an experienced family law attorney focusing on Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. His offices are located at 2431 Aloma Ave Suite #124, Winter Park, FL. 32792 and 3720 Suntree Blvd., Suite 103G, Melbourne, FL. 32940.

You may contact Anthony Diaz by calling 407-212-7807 or by email an*****@************aw.com or visit anthonydiazlaw.com for more information.

And if you found this article helpful, please leave us a review HERE.

Estate Planning After Divorce: What Changes?

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When people prepare for divorce, they start to plan their post-divorce life. They may do things like get their spouse’s names off of bank accounts, figure out where they will live, take names off of insurance policies, and all the other things that go with the transition from married to single life.

But one thing that many soon-to-be-divorced people do not take time to think about is estate planning.

If you are someone who has thought ahead and has an estate plan already, that is good news. However, the estate plan you drafted when you were married (or, for that matter, even before you were married) may not work for you once you are divorced.

In fact, your estate documents may be completely invalid post-divorce.

Conflicts Between Family Law Documents and Estate Plan Documents

If you have an estate plan already, any agreement that you make in relation to your divorce, such as a  mediation agreement, marital settlement agreement, or anypre or post-nuptial that you sign, will take precedence over your estate documents in the event that there is a conflict.

This often happens—people will draft an estate plan and later agree to a divorce settlement agreement, not aware that they are conflicting with the prior drafted estate plan.

This can lead to people not getting what you intended them to get in your estate plan, or worse, to fighting between family and former spouses in probate court. Your estate could be tied up for years.

This means that if you already have an estate plan, it must be revised post-divorce to eliminate any conflict with any document you sign in relation to the divorce.

Amending or Redoing Your Will

With all the changes that come with divorce, you may be best served just revoking your will and drafting an entirely new one. That is because of all the changes that need to be made in your will post-divorce.

For example, your will may have appointed your spouse as the executor of your will. You may no longer want this to be the case after your divorce.

For the purposes of a will, upon divorce, the law treats the spouse as having died (again, this is for the purpose of administering your estate plan). That means that whatever funds, money, or assets you left to your spouse now have nowhere to go and could be distributed by the Probate Court per Florida’s intestate statutes.

Healthcare Proxies and Medical Decision Making

Many wills and other estate documents appoint healthcare proxies — that is, people who will make the essential medical decisions for you in the event you are temporarily or permanently incapacitated or if you can no longer make these kinds of informed healthcare decisions for yourself.

You likely may have appointed your spouse to be this person, and you may no longer want this to be the case in a divorce.

If you had no designated healthcare surrogate, healthcare proxy, or power of attorney, you can no longer just rely on a hospital or doctor just listening to your husband or wife. Now that you will be single, you should have these documents executed to designate whomever it is you want to fill this role.

If you have a living will that designates your end-of-life care (such as a do not resuscitate order), some living wills and the authority for your designated spouse to help carry out your wishes will terminate once the dissolution of marriage is entered. That means that although you indicated your wishes for end-of-life care, there is nobody with the legal capacity to make those wishes happen for you if you do not amend these estate documents.

Powers of Attorney

Per Florida law, any kind of power of attorney (not just one that addresses healthcare) terminates on the filing of the divorce itself. That can be good, as you may no longer want your spouse to be your power of attorney. But it does mean that you will need to replace your spouse with whomever it is you want to take that role.

Death Before Divorce

Divorce cases can be very contested and can drag on for a long time. What if something were to happen to you before a final judgment was entered? Technically, you are not divorced yet, and Florida law has powerful laws that make it difficult to disinherit a spouse, even one you are in the process of divorcing.

Your estate plan should have contingencies in case something were to happen to you before the divorce is finalized.

Other Documents

Your estate plan is more than wills and trusts. It also may include deeds to properties, bank accounts that you designated as “payable on death,” or life insurance policies with named beneficiaries. Your soon-to-be ex-spouse may stand to benefit from any of these, and you may no longer want that to be the case. These all need to be altered to reflect your life post-divorce.

Trusts

Did you set up a trust during your estate plan? Florida law says that if you did establish a revocable trust, there will be little impact on the trust itself; the law acts as if your spouse “died” upon divorce for the purpose of the spouse, thus eliminating him or her as a beneficiary, even if they are named.

But if your spouse is “deceased” (for the purpose of the trust), what happens to his or her trust distribution? It may go to someone you don’t want those assets going to, such as one of your spouse’s relatives.

And if you do want your soon-to-be ex-spouse to continue to inherit through the trust, your marital settlement agreement or court order needs to say that.

Minors and the Disabled

Does your will or trust leave something to a minor child? Or an adult child who may be disabled and not able to properly care for or use the assets or money you have left to him or her?

It used to be that you could rely on your spouse to safeguard the funds or to help manage them for the benefit of the minor or disabled child. But now, with no spouse, you may want to re-establish a trust, and name a trustee, to help manage the funds until the child is older or to distribute the funds in a way that ensures that what you are leaving to your child is not wasted or misused.

If something were to happen to you, your ex-husband or wife would be the legal guardian of the child, which makes sense, as they are the natural surviving parent. But sometimes, this is not possible. Perhaps a spouse is incarcerated or simply cannot handle full-time parenting because of time or other concerns.

Your estate plan will have to designate a guardian to care for minor children, which can serve as a backup plan in the event that your spouse cannot or does not want to take that role now or in the future.

Divorce is a big change in your life, but we can help you navigate it and answer whatever questions you may have.

Anthony J. Diaz is an experienced family law attorney focusing on Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. His offices are located at 2431 Aloma Ave Suite #124, Winter Park, FL. 32792 and 3720 Suntree Blvd., Suite 103G, Melbourne, FL. 32940.

You may contact Anthony Diaz by calling 407-212-7807 or by email an*****@************aw.com or visit anthonydiazlaw.com for more information.

And if you found this article helpful, please leave us a review HERE.