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Divorce with Adult Children: Unseen Challenges

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Gray divorce can have some unexpected and unique challenges especially when there are adult children. While society often focuses on the impact of divorce on minor children, the influence of adult children in the divorce process is a topic that deserves attention. The influence of adult children in a couple’s divorce can have a positive and negative impact on the divorce process. Let’s look at how adult children can impact the divorce of their parents.

Positive Influences

Adult Children and Divorce

In some cases, adult children can provide important support to their parents, especially if the spouses are older. The aging process may bring about additional challenges, such as decisions related to living arrangements and retirement. In these situations, adult children play a valuable role in helping their parents to navigate these complex choices.

Negative Influences

Sadly, adult children’s involvement is not always constructive. One challenge that arises is when a child takes sides, advocating for one parent over the other. This can stem from various motives, such as concern about inheritance or aligning with the parent who shares the child’s perspective. Such dynamics can inject unnecessary tension and complexity into the divorce process.

An Important Rule: Avoid Taking Sides

Adult children may feel compelled to choose sides. However, they should maintain communication with both parents, assuring them that they are supportive without taking sides. This approach not only preserves the relationship between parents and children, but also prevents unnecessary rifts within the family.

Confidentiality and Communication

A significant risk is turning adult children into confidants, potentially burdening them with the emotional weight of the divorce. Divorcing couples should consult with their attorney for legal questions instead of turning to their children. Communication with adult children is encouraged, but it should focus on logistical aspects such as living arrangements, grandparent visitation, and other practical considerations.

Preserving Family Relationships

A divorcing couple and their adult children should recognize that divorce doesn’t only impact the spouses but extends to the children and to their future relationships. Divorce at an older age can create a generational defining point, influencing the relationships between children and grandchildren. Proper handling of the divorce process is crucial for preserving family ties and ensuring that the impact on future generations is minimized.

Legal Considerations

It is important that the legal professionals representing the divorcing couple be aware of the ages and relationships of adult children to each spouse. This awareness helps attorneys anticipate potential external influences, whether positive or negative, and tailor their guidance accordingly. Attorneys play a crucial role in guiding their clients through the divorce process, taking into account the complexities when adult children are involved.

Divorce involving adult children is a complex experience that demands careful consideration from everyone that is involved. You should remember to rely on your legal team to guide you through the process, helping you to navigate the complexities when adult children become part of the divorce equation. By fostering open communication, avoiding partiality, and recognizing the long-term impact on family relationships, it is possible to mitigate the challenges and pave the way for a more amicable and respectful divorce process.

Anthony J. Diaz is an experienced family law attorney focusing on Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. His offices are located at 2431 Aloma Ave Suite #124, Winter Park, FL. 32792 and 3720 Suntree Blvd., Suite 103G, Melbourne, FL. 32940.

You may contact Anthony Diaz by calling 407-212-7807 or by email an*****@************aw.com or visit anthonydiazlaw.com for more information.

And if you found this article helpful, please leave us a review HERE.

What Is A Child-Centered Divorce?

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January marks the observance of Child-Centered Divorce Awareness Month. This prompts the opportunity for reflection. It’s crucial to focus on children’s well-being during divorce challenges. Let’s examine the importance of adopting a child-centered approach to divorce. A child-centered divorce requires conscious consideration of every decision made during the divorce process. As parents, you must consider how a choice related to housing, financial arrangements, or other aspects might impact their children. This approach keeps the children at the center of the divorce. They belong there.

child centered divorce

We advise that you should not discuss the process and progress of the divorce with your children. This will protect them from unnecessary anxiety. This simple guideline is often overlooked. But it fosters an environment where children can feel safe and secure. It also minimizes the negative emotional toll of the divorce.

The utilization of child specialists is a valuable resource. It is especially helpful when conflicts arise regarding parenting styles, time-sharing, or religious upbringing. These specialists act as mediators. They help discussions between you and your spouse and in mitigating conflicts. They also prioritize the best interests of the child.

Consider using physical symbols. For example, during a Collaborative Divorce conference, place a picture of the children at the center of the table. This serves as a tangible reminder of the primary focus. This simple yet powerful gesture serves as a visual cue. It helps you stay on track. You can resist getting entangled in emotional conflicts that may divert attention from the children’s needs.

The long-term impact of a child-centered divorce is profound. When children see their parents handle emotional conflicts maturely and without involving them, they are more likely to become emotionally resilient adults. Such children, having observed positive conflict resolution models, are less inclined to take sides and are better equipped to manage conflicts in their own relationships later in life.

A child-centered divorce isn’t just about the immediate well-being of the children involved; it’s an investment in their future emotional health. It also helps cultivate skills essential for building successful relationships as they navigate adulthood. It’s a powerful reminder that divorcing parents have the opportunity to shape not only their own destinies but also the future of the next generation.

Anthony J. Diaz is an experienced family law attorney focusing on Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. His offices are located at 2431 Aloma Ave Suite #124, Winter Park, FL. 32792 and 3720 Suntree Blvd., Suite 103G, Melbourne, FL. 32940.

You may contact Anthony Diaz by calling 407-212-7807 or by email an*****@************aw.com or visit anthonydiazlaw.com for more information.

And if you found this article helpful, please leave us a review HERE.

How Do We Tell Our Children That We Are Getting a Divorce?

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Breaking the news about your divorce to your children is one of the most difficult conversations you will ever have with your children. How you and your spouse handle this conversation matters. It is the first step in your divorce process in keeping your children’s well-being at the forefront of your divorce process.  Here are 5 tips how to talk to your children about divorce.

1. Both Parents Need to Be Present:

Talking to children

It is imperative that you deliver the news when both you and your spouse are present. This not only ensures that your children hear the information from both sources simultaneously but also fosters a sense of security. Often, children find out about divorce from one parent or overhear conversations, leading to a barrage of questions. When both parents are present, it establishes a united front, providing a safe space for the children to process the news and ask questions with the support of both parents.

2. Choose the Right Time:

Timing is crucial. Telling your children over a weekend rather than a school night is an excellent approach. This allows them the space and time to absorb the information without the immediate stress of academics. A Saturday morning is recommended, providing the entire weekend for them to digest and process the news. A conversation early in the weekend allows the children to have time to ask questions before they return to school.

This way, when they return to school on Monday, they may be in a better emotional state to handle the situation.

3. Proactive Communication and Age-Appropriate Responses:

Children often internalize blame during a divorce, thinking it’s their fault. It is important that you and your spouse are proactive about this issue. Addressing this concern before they ask demonstrates your awareness and prevents unnecessary guilt from settling in their minds. Furthermore, when explaining the reasons behind the divorce, tailor your responses to the age of your children. Younger children may need a more simplified explanation, while older ones may benefit from a more detailed conversation about the situation.

4. Addressing Future Concerns:

Anticipate that they will have questions about practical matters, such as living arrangements and potential school changes. If you don’t have all the answers, reassure them that decisions are being made with their best interests in mind. Create a supportive environment by assuring them that their concerns are valid and that you’re actively working on solutions.

5. Choose a Child-Centered Divorce Process:

Finally, be aware of the idea that you can choose a divorce process that can prioritize children’s well-being. Collaborative Divorce involves a neutral professional specifically trained in handling parenting plans. This out-of-court option empowers parents to make decisions that align with their children’s best interests, steering clear of potentially damaging court battles.

The journey of divorce is always an emotional challenge, but approaching the conversation with sensitivity, transparency, and a child-centric mindset can make a significant difference in how your children navigate this difficult time.

Anthony J. Diaz is an experienced family law attorney focusing on Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. His offices are located at 2431 Aloma Ave Suite #124, Winter Park, FL. 32792 and 3720 Suntree Blvd., Suite 103G, Melbourne, FL. 32940.

You may contact Anthony Diaz by calling 407-212-7807 or by email an*****@************aw.com or visit anthonydiazlaw.com for more information.

And if you found this article helpful, please leave us a review HERE.

Child Support: Five Frequently Asked Questions

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Child Support Umbrella

When you are getting divorced with children, there may be a lot of conflicts about which parent will get more time with the kids. But with kids comes another issue when it comes to divorce — child support. Child support is often misunderstood, and there are commonly a lot of questions about child support. Here are five of the most common questions people have.

How is Child Support Calculated?

Florida law first establishes a grid that says how much total support (that is, money from both parents combined) that a child needs or requires. That support figure is based on the combined income of both parents; the more the parents make, the more the total support figure will be. It is also based on the number of children; more children will require more total support from both parents.

Of course, the total amount the kids need is usually not a point of contention (nor can it be, as it is written into the law)—the real argument often happens with parents deciding who will pay what portion of that total support amount. That’s where the child support formula comes into play.

Child support is calculated with a preset formula, which is established by Florida law. There is some room for a court to deviate from the formula—to adjust a parent’s child support obligation up or down—but not a lot of room to do so (only 5%).

The percentage each parent pays of the total amount of support the children need is based on each parent’s income. This is why, although the formula is already determined by law, couples often fight over child support: A parent’s child support obligation, according to the formula, will deviate and go up or down depending on what income numbers you put into the formula.

The formula is thus designed, to some extent, for the parent who makes more income to pay more child support. But that is not the only consideration: Time-sharing, or time the children spend with each parent, also plays into the child support equation.

When a parent has more nights with the children on a monthly basis, that parent is more likely to receive child support. That is because, logically, when the child is with that parent, that parent is paying for more of the child’s expenses, and that parent deserves to be reimbursed by the other parent for those expenses.

How is a Parent’s Income Determined for the Purpose of Child Support?

In the process of the divorce, each party will fill out full financial affidavits. These affidavits will identify all sources of income, as well as the value of assets owned by each parent, as well as expenses that each parent has.

Yes, people can—and unfortunately do—lie on their financial affidavits. You have the right to ask for proof of income from the other parent beyond the financial affidavit. That may include business income records, bank account records, or other documents showing what the other spouse may be making, spending, or depositing into bank accounts.

What Can Child Support Be Used for?

The law only says that one parent pays the other child support. It does not specifically require that the receiving parent use the money for the kids, nor does the law require any kind of accounting of how the funds are used. The law just assumes that if a parent is with a child, that parent is necessarily spending money on the child, and thus, whatever is paid in support is reimbursing that parent (at least in part) for those expenses.

How Long Will Someone Pay Child Support?

By law, child support either ends at the age of 18 or when the child graduates high school but must end at the age of 19 unless certain special circumstances exist. If a child is not currently on track to graduate high school, support will end when the child is 18, regardless of graduation.

Note that child support can continue beyond these time limits for children who may have special needs or disabilities. In fact, child support could go on indefinitely for children who have special needs. However, the establishment of longer-term child support must be established during the divorce or custody proceeding—you cannot wait until child support ends and then go back to the court and have it continued.

Can Child Support Be Changed or Modified Later?

Child support can always be modified with the required legal showings. The modification could increase or decrease child support.

To modify child support, the parent seeking to modify must show what is known as a “substantial change in circumstances” that is permanent.

That means that a parent’s temporary increase or decrease in income will not suffice to modify child support. Likewise, a minor change in a parent’s financial situation also won’t legally warrant a change in child support.

Either the paying or receiving parent can ask the court to modify child support—but if you are the paying spouse, you cannot just unilaterally lower your child support. You must get and obtain a court order lowering child support payments before changing what you pay in support.

The change in a parent’s situation may not just be financial. Often, a parent ends up spending more or less time with a child than the original divorce agreement or court judgment initially contemplated. When a parent ends up with more time with the kids than he or she was supposed to get, that parent may have a right to go back to court and ask for more child support, to have the support based on the increased time that that parent is having with the children.

Again, the change in time-sharing can’t just be an occasional or one-time occurrence; the change must be permanent and ongoing to warrant a substantial change in circumstances that is sufficient to show that child support should be increased or decreased.

Do not guess about your child support. Anthony J. Diaz is an experienced family law attorney focusing on Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. His offices are located at 2431 Aloma Ave Suite #124, Winter Park, FL. 32792 and 3720 Suntree Blvd., Suite 103G, Melbourne, FL. 32940.

You may contact Anthony Diaz by calling 407-212-7807 or by email an*****@************aw.com or visit anthonydiazlaw.com for more information.

And if you found this article helpful, please leave us a review HERE.

Parenting Plans: The Advantages of Making a Parenting Plan

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Let’s say that you are in the process of a divorce, and things look like they are being finalized. It seems like you and your spouse have agreed on many issues—including issues related to the children. But then your attorney tells you that you and your ex need to agree on another document — a parenting plan. It seems like a long, detailed document…do you have to do it? What are the benefits of doing a parenting plan…?

What is a Parenting Plan?

Parenting Plans

Parenting plans are relatively new in the world of family law. First required in 2018, parenting plans are a roadmap for parents to figure out almost every aspect of co-parenting children’s lives. The parenting plan is as long as it is because it covers almost every conceivable issue that divorced couples may encounter when it comes to making joint decisions about a minor child.

The model parenting plan, developed by the Florida Supreme Court can be found here.

The parenting plan will have time-sharing schedules, but it goes beyond just time-sharing and visitation. It will also cover things like who gets the kids during which holiday breaks, who has the right of first refusal if a parent cannot watch a child, who will take and pay for the kids’ medical expenses, and extracurricular activities.

It will handle and address emergencies, vacations, school conferences, pick up and drop off locations, and a host of other details that you, in the midst of a divorce, and likely never having encountered this situation before, would never have thought of otherwise.

Your parenting plan is a plan that is agreed to by both parties—a judge can impose one on you, or else, create their own order, but obviously, you would much rather develop the parenting plan with your spouse, and work out arrangements that are best for both of you as opposed to leaving these decisions in the hands of a judge.

There actually are multiple parenting plans, some for parents who are more amicable and do not need so many details arranged in advance, and others that are more detailed, for parents who may anticipate fighting and conflict, and would rather have all the details agreed to in writing in advance. There are even parenting plans for parents who are or anticipate living a good distance from each other.

The Benefits of a Plan

Why make a plan? Even if you have to do it legally, what are the advantages of even doing one, or putting time or effort, or consideration into it?

The main advantage is avoiding conflict—and potentially litigation—later on.

The parenting plan lets both parents know what is going to happen in the future and informs both of their rights when it comes to the child.

In the old days, a typical mediation or settlement agreement may not have addressed every single minute detail of a joint child-rearing arrangement. Parents, usually new to the divorce process, would not know what issues will or could come up next month, year, or ten years down the line.

As a result, the typical medication or settlement agreement was often open to interpretation or ambiguity. Parents who had conflict would look to their agreement to see which parent was in the right and would find nothing in their divorce paperwork addressing what they were looking for.

The result would be fighting, conflict, no way to know who was “right,” and ultimately, if it got bad enough, ex-spouses would end up back in court.

Save the Fighting

On the surface, a parenting plan seems like more to fight about. It’s a long detailed document that you and your ex are going to have to agree to. But parenting plans are written in plain, easy-to-understand language. They have fill-in-the-blanks or lines for parents to write things in.

That gives them a big benefit: you and your ex can sit down together (to the extent possible), and try to discuss, and agree to things in advance. Of course, if you have a family law attorney, you can and should discuss these things with him or her first—but the ease and plain language of a parenting plan does provide some flexibility for you and your spouse to come to some agreement, even on some of the issues, before and instead of spending a lot of money on legal fees.

The end result is that you actually have less to fight about in your divorce because all of these details have been resolved separately by you and your ex-spouse.

In Your Hands

The parenting plan has another advantage, that is common to other forms of resolved conflict, like mediation: you are putting things in your own hands, instead of a judge’s.

In court, a judge could decide whatever they want when it comes to any of the items on that extensive parenting plan. In court, in the hands of a judge, there is no “back and forth,” that is, you cannot say to your spouse “I will let you do this if you let me do that.” It is all up to the court.

But the parenting plan empowers you. You can “give up” the items on the plan that are not as important to you, and fight for the things that are important to you. You can re-write some of the language, add things, or create new provisions that may be unique to your own specific situation.

When you are finally done, you will be grateful that you have a “roadmap” to co-parenting with your spouse. You will have a document that specifically says what you and your spouse can and cannot do. In the end, if done properly, the parenting plan will potentially save you a lot of time, arguing, conflict, and money.

Questions about child custody, visitation, time-sharing, or your parenting plan?

Anthony J. Diaz is an experienced family law attorney focusing on Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. His offices are located at 2431 Aloma Ave Suite #124, Winter Park, FL. 32792 and 3720 Suntree Blvd., Suite 103G, Melbourne, FL. 32940.

You may contact Anthony Diaz by calling 407-212-7807 or by email an*****@************aw.com or visit anthonydiazlaw.com for more information.

And if you found this article helpful, please leave us a review HERE.

How to Get More Parenting Time With Your Child

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In any child custody case, the child (or children) of the marriage cannot be in two places at the same time. They either will live with one parent or the other on given nights of the week or throughout the year, and one parent will often have more of those nights than the other.

If You Have Visitation

The first thing to remember is that if you are the parent with “visitation,” which often means that you have fewer of the nights with the child, this is not a reflection on you, or your quality as a parent. There are a lot of factors that play into whether a parent is the primary time-sharing parent, or whether a parent gets visitation, and many of those factors have nothing to do with you, or your skills, quality, or worth as a parent.

The fact that you have visitation also does not affect your right to raise your child and make decisions about your child’s life. A parenting plan, custody agreement, or other document will be drafted and agreed upon between you and your spouse, which will detail what each parent has responsibilities for, and rights over, in the child’s life. The fact that you have visitation never takes away your constitutional right to make crucial decisions about your child’s upbringing, health and welfare.

Of course, despite all of this, many parents may understandably want as much visitation as possible. How does that happen? What are the factors that a judge or a court will look at now or in the future, in determining how much visitation that you will have with your child?

The Child’s Safety and Environment

Some factors are obvious and go without saying: the court will want to see that you provide a safe environment for your child, where the child’s needs are met. Understanding age-appropriate activities, keeping the child safe from exposure to drugs and alcohol or other dangers, are paramount.

That may also include your presence in the child’s life. That means that parents who work multiple jobs, or who may put their social life ahead of time with their child, may find visitation time reduced. Showing that you have the time and willingness to be an active, present and involved parent, will help show the court that you should get as much visitation as possible.

The court will want to disrupt the child’s life as little as possible. If you are out of the child’s school district, or far from the child’s friends or extra-curricular activities, that may affect the parenting time or visitation that you have with the child.

The court may look to the child’s physical environment. Does your child have his or her own room where you live? Are there activities that the child enjoys near you? Do you have family or relatives near you who are an active part in the child’s life?

The Other Parent

There are also a number of things that you can control, and things that you can do, to demonstrate that you should have as much visiting and parenting time with your child as possible.

One major thing you can do, is to have a healthy, working relationship with the child’s other parent, and that you refrain from belittling, insulting or fighting with the other parent in front of the child. Showing your child what a bad parent the other parent is, will not help you get more time with the child—it will have the opposite effect.

This does not mean that you have to be best friends with the other parent. It is OK and natural to maintain some hostility or anger towards the other parent. But that should never show up in front of the child, and the child should not be used as a “weapon” to “get back” at the other parent.

Use the Time You Have

You should also fight to have more time with your child, or if there is some kind of visitation schedule in place formally or informally with the other parent, you should exercise the visitation that you do have.

There are many parents who fight for visitation, and then when they get visitation time with the child, they proceed to miss pickup times, or they leave the child with babysitters, or just allow the other parent to have the child.

Of course, emergencies happen, and there is nothing wrong with parents working together to accommodate the other parent if schedules need to be rearranged or time needs to be missed. But the court will be hesitant to give you visitation (or more visitation), if it looks like you are not even using the time that you have with the child.

Be There for the Child

Be present in your child’s life-no matter where the child is physically located. For example, just because Thursday is mom’s night with the child, does not mean that you, as the dad, cannot go to the child’s play, or baseball game, or parent night at school. Make sure that all organizations where your child goes or attends, have both parents listed as contacts.

Track Time With the Child

If you have an informal visitation schedule, or if you do have an established schedule, but you and the other parent have deviated from it, keep track of any extra time that you are spending with the child (and any time the other parent is voluntarily passing up time with the child).

If you ever wanted to go back to court to ask a court to give you more visitation or parenting time, you will then have evidence of the time you are spending with the child, and of the time the other parent voluntarily gave up his or her time with the child.

There are things you can do to improve your chances of getting as much time with your child as possible after a divorce, or in a paternity action.

Anthony J. Diaz is an experienced family law attorney focusing on Mediation and Collaborative Divorce. His offices are located at 2431 Aloma Ave Suite #124, Winter Park, FL. 32792 and 3720 Suntree Blvd., Suite 103G, Melbourne, FL. 32940.

You may contact Anthony Diaz by calling 407-212-7807 or by email an*****@************aw.com or visit anthonydiazlaw.com for more information.

And if you found this article helpful, please leave us a review HERE.