If you have any kind of family law case, whether a divorce or a modification of a previously entered divorce, at some point, your attorney may suggest attending mediation. Mediation has a number of advantages, and can help you end your divorce case your way, on your terms. But what is mediation, and if you do go, what steps can you take to ensure that your mediation gives you the highest chance of success possible?
Understanding the Mediation Process
Think of mediation as a settlement conference with you and your spouse present, and perhaps any attorneys who represent both of you. Also present is a mediator, who is there to help both sides come to a resolution. The mediator will try to give a neutral analysis of the case to both sides and try to encourage both sides to meet in the middle in order to facilitate a resolution to the case.
Everything done or said in mediation is confidential, so if the case does not settle, nothing that is said will ever be heard by anybody else once the mediation is over. If mediation is successful, the case is over, on the terms and conditions both parties agreed to at the mediation.
When Does Mediation Happen?
Mediation can happen before any divorce, or post-divorce modification case, is even filed—if both parties know litigation is going to happen, they can voluntarily attend a mediation, with their respective attorneys, even though there is no divorce case actually filed.
Even if there is an active, pending case, the parties can, at any time, agree to go to mediation.
If one party wants to go to mediation and the other does not, that party can also ask the family court judge to order the parties to attend mediation. Because courts want parties to settle cases, most judges will agree and compel the parties to mediate—in fact, many judges will require mediation to happen, whether the parties want to or not, before the court will have a trial on whatever issues there are in the case.
Preparing for Your Mediation
However you got there, you now have a mediation upcoming. What can you do to ensure the best possible outcome for your mediation case?
Have a plan – Working with your family law lawyer, have an idea of what your “best case scenario,” and “worst case scenario” may be. In other words, what is the most you want out of the case, and what is the very least that you would settle for? That’s not to say you can’t alter these at any time, but it will give you a framework of what you want before you even mediate.
The end result in mediation is usually somewhere between these two extremes, but knowing what things you have “wiggle room” to compromise with and which things are non-negotiable can help you and your attorney formulate a strategy before mediation
Imagine the future – It is easy, in the midst of a heated and contested family law case, to think of the now, or of the near future. But if you come to an agreement, it is one that will last your entire lifetime. That means that you need to anticipate the future.
What will your or your children’s lives look like in 3, 8, or 15 years? What things might get easier or more difficult as time goes on? What things might you need, or be able to live without as time goes on? These are things that will influence what you can and cannot agree to settle for at mediation.
Have your documents – If you are in the midst of a contested divorce case, your attorney may already have important documents related to the parties’ incomes, assets, or time-sharing issues. But when mediation happens earlier, it may be up to you to make sure your attorney has the evidence and information he or she needs to use at mediation.
Your attorney will sit down with you and discuss what documentation you should provide to him or her, in preparation for the mediation
Keep calm – Yes, family law issues related to property, money, kids, and alimony are all very emotionally charged issues. And yes, it is totally natural to have a strong amount of emotion about these things.
But think of mediation as a business meeting. You want to strategize and keep a level head.
You want to come out with a plan that you can live with potentially for your or your child’s entire lives, so you do not want to just end the case on just any terms—but at the same time, you need to make rational decisions on what’s worth fighting over and what is not. That often takes reasonable decision-making in the moment, separate from emotion.
Mediation’s are also sometimes springboards to the rest of your relationship with your (soon-to-be) ex-spouse. If you can keep your composure and work out solutions rationally, it may go a long way to having a working relationship with your spouse, long after the divorce is resolved.
Take what you can settle for – Remember that while it is ideal to work out every contested issue in your divorce case at your mediation, if you cannot, that is OK also. Often, spouses resolve some, but not all, of the issues in their divorce case. Whatever you work out and agree to at mediation will be that much less to fight over during the remainder of the divorce case.
So, even if there are some things that it just does not look like you will be able to agree to, you should still approach your mediation with a positive outlook, and understand that even settling some, but not all issues, is a step in the right direction.
Think of the Extras – One good thing about mediation is that you can add whatever you want in your mediation agreement–things that a family law judge could not even order, in or after a divorce trial.
Do you want to make sure that your kids have access to their phones when they are with the other parent? Do you want the other parent to keep financial or other information from the marriage, private or confidential from the rest of the world? Do you want the other parent to cover expenses when the kids are in college? Should alimony end if you get remarried?
Think of all of these (sometimes non-monetary) things that would make post-divorce life better for you, and bring these ideas to the mediation table. That’s what mediation is there for.
His offices are located at 2431 Aloma Ave. #124, Winter Park, FL. 32792 and 3270 Suntree Blvd. Suite 103G, Melbourne, FL. 32920.
You may contact Anthony Diaz by calling 407-212-7807 or by email An*****@************aw.com or visit www.AnthonyDiazLaw.com.
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Anthony Diaz is a Family Law and Collaborative Divorce attorney, mediator, speaker and coach in Orlando. Known as The Peacemaker, his practice specializes in divorce with dignity, mediation, collaboration, uncontested and out-of-court options to help families find peaceful solutions.
With over 20 years of experience, Anthony is passionate about helping his clients resolve conflict, reduce stress and move peacefully through the divorce process without going to court. He has helped thousands of families experience a more positive outcome.
As a Florida Supreme Court Certified Family and Circuit Civil Mediator, a State Qualified Arbitrator, and an esteemed member of the Leadership Academy of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals, Anthony’s expertise in mediation and conflict resolution makes him uniquely qualified to help couples navigate the emotional and financial challenges of divorce.
He is an active and highly respected professional in the Florida collaborative community. Anthony serves as Co-Chair of the Florida Academy of Collaborative Professionals Outreach Committee and is a Board Member of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals.
Prior to opening his private practice, Anthony was a CPA and an Assistant State Attorney for the Ninth Judicial Circuit of Florida. He earned his degree at Stetson University College of Law.
Anthony is also a published author, co-authoring Faces Behind the Pages and Creating Relationships and Family with Courage and Compassion. His solo works include:
• Divorce With Dignity – 3 Powerful Steps to Heal and Move Past Your Divorce N.O.W.
• !n-joy Your Relationships! – 7 Pillars to Deepening Your Connections With Passion and Purpose
• Moving Consciously Through Conflict – 5 Meaningful Steps to Mediating Conflict With Compassion
As a coach and an international speaker, his passion, mission and purpose is to help families move on from their divorce with dignity and embrace a more peaceful future.