Have you ever gone through an experience in life, and thought back and wished that you had known things or had more information from the start? We have all had that thought of “if I knew then what I knew now…” Well, divorce is no different, and there are some insights and observations that can help you understand the divorce process now, even if your divorce case has not officially started.
Resolve as Much as You Can, as Early as You Can
Certainly, divorce is emotional and stressful, and in many cases, if you could just get along with your spouse, you may not be getting divorced in the first place. So, urging you to try to agree on as many issues as possible before your case even starts may seem like a difficult task.
Of course, every couple is different; some may be able to sit down and work issues out together, and others may not. However, one thing that many people who go through long, contentious divorces often wish for when looking back is that they would have tried a little harder to resolve as many matters in the divorce case as possible earlier, even before the case began.
Even resolving one issue—property division, time sharing, who will get the marital home, or any single issue—can go a long way to making your divorce case easier and more cost-effective.
Mediation Can Help
Similar to the advice above, try to get to mediation as early as possible in the divorce process. You may find that many issues that seemed impossible to resolve get resolved at mediation. And you may find that more issues than you even thought could get resolved will get resolved at mediation.
One good thing about mediation is that you can resolve all of the issues in your divorce case from the very beginning, making the actual divorce case a simple matter of paperwork and getting a judge’s approval. But even if you only resolve some of the issues in your case at mediation, you still have now cut down the number of things to fight about, and thus cut down on the time and expense of your divorce case.
The Judge Cares But Does Not Know You
You could forget mediation or resolving anything amicably, and just take your divorce case all the way to trial.
Many people do that, believing that the judge will “see that I’m right.” But while judges do the best jobs that they can, they have a lot of cases, and don’t know your life the way you know your life. Judges have to care about all sides and make the right legal decisions, and those decisions may not necessarily be what you want to happen in your life, post-divorce.
It is always best to try to take your destiny in your own hands by resolving the case before a full-blown (and costly) trial becomes necessary.
Consider Collaborative Divorce
Many couples do not consider collaborative divorce—in fact, many people don’t know what it is.
Collaborative divorce is a great hybrid of fighting for what’s right, while at the same time, working in a collaborative nature with your spouse, to get the case resolved.
Collaborative divorce is where both sides have their own attorneys, like normal, but the attorneys are committed to trying to resolve the case. They will represent their clients, but will also work with the other spouse to see if there is some middle ground where contentious issues can be resolved. Attorneys who do collaborative divorce must be specially trained in it, and these attorneys know how to get parties to the table to try to resolve matters in the case.
Life While the Case is Going On
If you can resolve most or all of the issues in your case, great—your divorce will be quicker, easier, and less costly. But if you can’t, you should start to consider how to set up your new life while the case goes on.
Unfortunately, the time it takes for your divorce case to resolve is not always up to your lawyer. The other side, how much they will fight, the judge’s hearing and trial schedules, and other factors out of your control will often dictate how long it takes for a case to resolve.
While it is going on, you may need to establish a temporary agreement—temporary time sharing, temporary alimony, or who will use the marital home. Many people fail to consider these factors, and as a result, they often feel “in limbo” while their divorce case is being litigated in court.
Remember as well that certain things in your life may have to be put on hold while the divorce case is pending. For example, if you were thinking of selling your home or business, or moving to a different city, all of these things may have to wait until the divorce case is finalized (which is yet another incentive to mediate or engage in collaborative divorce; concluding the case amicably and quickly allows you to move on with these things in your life).
Take Care of Yourself
Your divorce case will require you to make some important decisions, many of which will impact you for years to come. You need to be in the best mental state you can, in order to make the best decisions that you can.
Getting help for yourself and taking care of yourself while the case is going on can be the most important thing that you do in your divorce case. You simply cannot go to mediation or have a settlement conference when you are frustrated, angry, hostile, or anxious.
Find the help you need, whether that is through mental health professionals, friends, or family, and don’t be afraid to have fun in your own life and accept the feelings that you have about your divorce.
His offices are located at 2431 Aloma Ave. #124, Winter Park, FL. 32792 and 3270 Suntree Blvd. Suite 103G, Melbourne, FL. 32940
You may contact Anthony Diaz by calling 407-212-7807 or by email An*****@************aw.com or visit www.AnthonyDiazLaw.com.
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Anthony Diaz is a Family Law and Collaborative Divorce attorney, mediator, speaker and coach in Orlando. Known as The Peacemaker, his practice specializes in divorce with dignity, mediation, collaboration, uncontested and out-of-court options to help families find peaceful solutions.
With over 20 years of experience, Anthony is passionate about helping his clients resolve conflict, reduce stress and move peacefully through the divorce process without going to court. He has helped thousands of families experience a more positive outcome.
As a Florida Supreme Court Certified Family and Circuit Civil Mediator, a State Qualified Arbitrator, and an esteemed member of the Leadership Academy of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals, Anthony’s expertise in mediation and conflict resolution makes him uniquely qualified to help couples navigate the emotional and financial challenges of divorce.
He is an active and highly respected professional in the Florida collaborative community. Anthony serves as Co-Chair of the Florida Academy of Collaborative Professionals Outreach Committee and is a Board Member of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals.
Prior to opening his private practice, Anthony was a CPA and an Assistant State Attorney for the Ninth Judicial Circuit of Florida. He earned his degree at Stetson University College of Law.
Anthony is also a published author, co-authoring Faces Behind the Pages and Creating Relationships and Family with Courage and Compassion. His solo works include:
• Divorce With Dignity – 3 Powerful Steps to Heal and Move Past Your Divorce N.O.W.
• !n-joy Your Relationships! – 7 Pillars to Deepening Your Connections With Passion and Purpose
• Moving Consciously Through Conflict – 5 Meaningful Steps to Mediating Conflict With Compassion
As a coach and an international speaker, his passion, mission and purpose is to help families move on from their divorce with dignity and embrace a more peaceful future.